Ready Or Not, Here Comes The Bride!
by Thesaurusgirl
Summary: Colby and Kerri attend a wedding neither will ever forget


Discalimer: I don't own any part of Numb3rs or any of the characters!

Ready Or Not, Here Comes The Bride!

"So" David Sinclair greeted Colby Granger as the latter man sauntered into the office on Monday morning, "how was your weekend? Do anything interesting?"

Don's team had the highest arrest/conviction rate of any team in the Los Angeles field office for a reason. The five of them (six when Charlie was involved which was often) generally worked together like a well oiled clock. Because Don was the kind of boss he was, much of their off-duty time was also spent around each other.

Sometimes, though, when Friday night rolled around, like co-workers everywhere, the last thing they wanted to see was more of each other. This weekend had been one of those times. Everybody went their separate ways, blowing off the week's stress in their own fashion.

Sinclair asked the question expecting to hear any number of the usual answers, from "just kicked back" to "spent the whole time with my board in the water." To his surprise, however, after a brief pause, Colby let out a bark of laughter, shaking his head.

"Man, I had a _very_ interesting weekend. "Kerri and I went to a wedding. Old acquaintance of hers from law school. Somebody she never really got along with that well. Actually, Kerri's pretty sure she only got the invite for the gift." He stopped, chuckling again as he recalled the memorable event.

"I thought you hated going to weddings. Aren't you the guy who once told me that you would rather come to work dressed only in an adult diaper and a baby bonnet than spend a Saturday afternoon listening sappy music and drinking bad champagne at somebody's wedding?"

"Yeah, but you know, after this last one, I might just have to rethink that opinion. David, these were hands down the most…remarkable nuptials I've ever been witness to." More laughter.

"Alright, you want to tell me what was so hilarious you can't stop laughing about it?"

"Do tell" Don Eppes said, arriving at his own desk, cup of coffee in hand. Right behind him were both Nikki Bentancourt and Liz Warner, completing the set.

"Colby apparently went to a comedy wedding this weekend" Sinclair explained.

"What, was this some kind of 'Murphy's Law' thing? Whatever could go wrong did?" Nikki asked.

"No" Colby responded in between throaty chuckles, "just the one thing, but it was enough!"

"Okay, give" Liz told him. "What happened? Tell us already!"

"Well" Colby answered, eyes dancing with mirth, "you know how these days some brides are, uh, pushing the envelope with the dress?"

"Yeah, so what?" Nikki objected, "It was her wedding and her dress, both of which she probably paid through the nose for. She should be able to wear whatever she wants."

"Oh, I agree" said Colby, still struggling not to laugh. "But this one was, uh, well, let's just say it was a little _too_ on the daring side. This particular lady was, jeez, how do I put this? Abundantly blessed of the Lord in a 'bosomly' way." He lost control again and had to take a deep breath before continuing.

"She came down the aisle and everything was sort of, um…uh, obvious, if you know what I mean."

"Surely she wasn't, you know…?" Liz asked making a spilling motion with her hands.

"Well, close enough" Colby told her. "As it turned out, too close. They were doing the vows, you know, and, um, um" Granger paused, clearly fighting the desire to explode into laughter once more. "Well, I guess the lady was…overcome by the emotion of the moment, and, uh, well, she inhaled a trifle too deeply, and, and, the, the rest, as they say, is history." He looked at the others expectantly. He didn't have to wait long.

Nikki caught on first, her mouth dropping open with realization. "You, you don't mean…you're not saying…it can't be! Tell me that didn't happen!"

"Yep" Colby said, folding his arms across his chest, delivering the punch line with relish. "Wardrobe malfunction. Double wardrobe malfunction. In creamy Technicolor!" He couldn't take it anymore, letting go completely at the shocked looks on the faces around him, pounding the arms of his chair.

"Oh, man, oh no" David was howling too now. Sinclair had to sit, doubling over in laughter.

"Thing was, because they were doing the vows, they were both facing the minister, who looked to be about a hundred and fifty years old. The old guy looked pretty scandalized by the bride's attire as it was, and then when she, uh, came unstuck as it were, I though he was gonna have a heart attack! His face turned beet red and he started hyperventilating! Then the groom tore his jacket off and placed around his bride-to-be and hustled her out of the sanctuary. The videographer was filming it all from the choir stand. The poor guy! His camera and his jaw hit the floor at the same time! I think a couple of spinster ladies behind me fainted! The whole thing was a hoot!"

"Which, of course, you had no problem showing I suppose" Don said, wiping his eyes, snickering.

"Oh yeah" Colby told his boss. "No way am I gonna pass up an opportunity like that! I'm just glad I was sitting on the end. I had the side of the pew to hold me up!"

"I don't believe this! What did Kerri do?!" Nikki asked. "She probably bopped you for laughing!"

"No, no she just buried her face in my jacket!" Colby answered.

"She was that upset?"

"Are you kidding me? She was laughing so hard I though I was going to have to carry her out of the church!"

"So, did they finish the wedding?" This was Don's question.

'Yeah, yeah, after things were, uh, contained, the happy event proceeded just like nothing out of the ordinary happened. I gotta give it to the bride. She seemed remarkably composed. Although she was a little cool to Kerri at the reception. I don't think she was too happy about the way Kerri reacted to the, um, alterations of the dress. But I told her to look on the bright side."

"And what's that?" Liz asked.

"Well, I kinda doubt she'll have to worry about a baby shower gift!"

THE END


End file.
